i’m a player

i’m a play play player. a game game gamer. a heart break break breaker, and this is ticking on too long.

i’m waking waking waking, realizing it’s aching aching aching, and not very much fun.

it’s not that i want to play, it’s just that i don’t know how to stay….for very long. so i play play play until the sun comes comes comes, and my eyes are tired and my heart is wired and nothing about this is  real  at  all.

i want to hold you hold you hold you, instead i hurt you hurt you hurt you–and now you’re gone gone gone, and my hearts numb numb numb. the tears are rolling down, but they freeze before they fall, because my eyes do not see your arms to keep me warm warm warm.

i didn’t plan this i didn’t want this, this is traitor-ish behavior. but you have left me and i am empty and i want you to come home home home. i’m leaving my window open, hoping that you will unintentionally slip in while you are drinking and not thinking— and let me keep you let me keep you all night long long long. and when you wake wake wake i’ll let you go go go. and i will ache ache ache all alone.

and i just love love love you, that’s why i hate hate hate you, and i can’t tame tame tame you, so i let you go go go.

i’m a play play player a game game gamer a heart break break breaker —breaking alone.

And now i dance dance dance reach past the past past past–futuristically. and i will spin spin spin and win win win– without you.

and now i  heal heal heal, and grow grow grow and i will play play play no more.

and if you find find find me, you’ll see me smile smile smiling –because my heart beat beat beat beats full full fully– and i am happy.