a broken heart….?

July 16, 2012 § 61 Comments

….brilliant really,  and beautiful.  In fact she was most beautiful, most alive when she opened herself up, when she allowed vulnerabilites, breakabilites, didn’t force control and demand the power. When she allowed the option of pain, of rejection, when she let loose, when she stopped focusing on her pride, her reputaion, and just totally fell. Yes it was a brilliant and beautiful feeling. There was a bit of pain, a tad of excruciating, unpredictable swings of sadness….but overall, it was pure luxury, pure excitement knowing one could feel so overwhelming, so captivated,  flipped inside-out, a childhood entranced sort of enchantment. You silly little people who stay all wrapped up in your non-heart breaks, so proud of your ability to hold control and not fall. THe falling is the best part. So you fall and you fall and you fall, and you refuse to become numb, and one day it’s just right, and your hands just fit right, like your lives fit right, and your sentences stand elegant side by side. And that’s it. Who doesn’t want their blood pumping, their minds racing, their common sense senses failing,  their realities exploding and crashing, the exotic crazy of not knowing what the other person is going to do, if they are going to love you back, or if they are going to just sit with you for awhile, get to know you, before walking away, before saying goodbye. Who doesn’t want to have their organs working in overdrive, their human real-people tears flowing, their feet tripping, their eyes widening, their mouths jaw-dropping, their lips numbing from the heightened senses of their imagination and hearts racing. Yes being in love, falling, breaking….it’s the most beautiful thing I ever felt. I’ll do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and maybe even the next day, because this to me is LIVING. This to me is LIFE. This to me is the doing it afraid, the beginning to all my insane genius imaginations coming true. And that’s just me. Maybe it’s the Peter Pan in me, or maybe it’s the most beautiful thing that I have in me. Maybe it’s what keeps me always laughing, always dreaming, always dancing, always creating, always flying, always shining. Yes a broken heart is brilliant really. Brilliant and beautiful.

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