you are me

It starts in my heart overwhelming. Floods to my stomach paining— when you are away. It soars to my head igniting fevers, making me feel pretend.
This started, when an angel fell into my dream awakening me, warning— that though we seemed so different, we were one.  We were of the same cayenne blood.

I looked into your dark blue glass eyes, I saw my own reflection. I want to wind you up and teach you, you being me— what I had been through. How you could conquer. I wanted to show how your weakness could be transformed into strength. I wanted you to see your brilliance the way I saw you. I knew you couldn’t, you weren’t ready, yet I wanted to paint you a radiant picture of what you were to me, even before you got there.

I wanted you to see.

To say I  loved you, would not do justice to my soul. I simply saw myself in you.

My heart beats in repeats unsteadily  remembering the moment I realized  you were me, and I  had to leave the old me  to face the new me— which I must grow to love.

You were just a vagabound passing through my world, teaching me who I was and what I needed to become.

Gypsy girls and vagabound boys, they just don’t last, it’s not my choice.

There’s fire crackers going off in my head,  heart is on fire. I don’t know if I’m sad or inspired. I feel body parts I didn’t know existed. I feel you in my shoulders, my chest, my limbs. ‘You don’t love me’, you said.

Yes, ‘you never could, you never can’.

You are me. Who I was, who I loved, what I wanted.
But you can’t come now. As I shed my old skin I whisper,

“I wanted to show that your weakness could be transformed into strength.
I wanted you to see your brilliance the way I saw you.
I wanted to paint you a radiant picture of what you were to me.
I wanted you to see.”

But  you never could, you never can.