Write through it…

April 1, 2013 § 14 Comments

fantasy-girls-girl-art-nice-988831Tonight I want to forget—erase.

I don’t want to be happy, I don’t even want to try.
It’s happening too fast— brain is in overdrive; heart can’t keep pace.

I need to sleep, yet  want to feel exhilarated excitement before I  fall into brainless dreams… it’s an indifferent feeling of emptiness that can consume a night.
I’m laying in my white bed, fingers burning against the heat of my iPhone. I type thoughts that feed no drive but keep me subtle— insignificant. Must sleep,  must slow down— keep better care of my heart so these waves of sadness don’t seduce me into another night of stolen memories.
Eyes hurt from the pressure my brain creates straining to understand what my eyes have believed in. Stomach has ached for 6 days straight— fingers  detached…

[Don’t check out    don’t go there    stay with me     don’t take that]

Nothing happens when you’re indifferent. Nothing inspires or sparks your brains ticks of time.
Your organs switch places and forget their original stations and your bodies left all fuddled and you look silly when you talk because you say everything all wrong because your body parts are mismatched and your heart is off with some  boy on a holiday.

[I won’t budge    I won’t stop   I won’t grow cold   I won’t go numb]

It’s easy to not care.  It’s a surrendering of your greatest passions,  an acceptance of defeat. It’s giving up, relaxing into the calm instead  of enraging the storm you were created to fight against. It’s the ending of cayenne blood—  the allowance;  entrance of cowards blood.

[Dont check out   don’t go there   stay with me   don’t drink that]

It’s easy to not care…and as I start to fall down the slippery slope of indifference I wonder how much my fingers will deaden   if I allow this  numbing  to own me, to become me as it has in the past. It’s empowering to not have feelings…to be distant…

[I won’t budge   I won’t stop   I won’t grow cold   I won’t go numb   I’ll stay right here inside my skin   I’ll feel the pain within my pen   I’ll let her bleed   I’ll let her bend    I’ll let her mend this heart instead… ]

but so so dead.

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§ 14 Responses to Write through it…

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